Relationships and Health.
By Pablo Das (HHC, SEP)
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Every once in a while I’ll see a certain type of article or video go through my social media feeds. They’re usually titled something like “What predicts long term health and wellness? The answer will surprise you”. When I see these posts, I don’t have to read them because I already know the answer. It’s not food, exercise or career. The greatest predictor of longterm physical, emotional and mental health is the quality of ones relationships with family, friends and community.
For over 80 years, the Harvard Study of Adult Development has been tracking people and collecting data on their lives ,health and wellbeing. Very few of the original 268 men in the study (which began in 1938) are still alive but in many cases, they’ve begun tracking their children who number over 1300 in the study.
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What they found is that while taking care of your body is important, tending to your relationships is critical. Close relationships, not money or fame, stave off mental health issues, support long term happiness and predict better physical health.
In one variation on research, it was found that even casual relational interactions with people in your environment, like the grocery store cashier or a barista, had an important impact on one’s health.
The day I read that, I went to a pizza place and had a fun exchange with the guy behind the counter. We were joking and talking about music. He was friendly and we were both laughing. When I walked away, I could feel the positive chemicals flowing through my body. I was smiling, and felt really good. It was fascinating to be aware of the impact the interaction in my own direct experience having just read one of the relationship articles. Not only is it important to have good intimate relationships with a primary partner, family and friends, but it’s also important to have these small interactions with people in community. According to Robert Waldinger, the director of the Harvard study, good long term health is about “relationships, relationships and relationships” an he adds “loneliness kills”.
I’ve thought a lot in my own coaching practice about how to integrate this knowledge. What does it mean to cultivate a strong relational structure for one’s life? There are many different kinds of relationships. How do we break it down? Well there are family relationships. There are close friends. There are secondary friends. There the work relationships. There are what I call our tribes. Whether you meditate, do stand up or love the Philadelphia Eagles, it’s important to have our tribes. Then there’s the "Cheers effect" where we have our regular places where people know us. The taco spot, the coffee place, the bank. We have our helping professionals, teachers and therapists. And of course, there is the primary relationship with husband, wife or significant other. (Oh, and having cats is pretty glorious too. I have my 20 Lb cat , Tommy cuddling me as I write this. My cats bring me a non-trivial amount of happiness as well.)
If we are truly to cultivate deep and lasting wellbeing, we have to think about how to cultivate relationships on all these different levels. Cultivating a strong relational field is a matter of life or death! Boom! Big finish! Dig it!